Transformation and Growth through Emotional Loss


Spring – a time of great transformation and growth. A time that can make our spirits soar, energize us, and restore us. At the same time, transformation and new growth often come in the wake of loss or other intense emotional pain. In her recent newsletter one of my collegues, Jeannine Lee, had this to say about pain: “pain is not necessarily wrong, evil or bad. Pain is a great leveler. It opens us up to new possibilities as nothing else does. We become kinder, gentler, more aware, and more compassionate. We come to understand ourselves as never before. We may even begin to see some of life’s nuances for the first time, as sight restored to the blind. Life looks different.”



I would add to Jeannine’s wisdom that pain is a great opportunity for even deeper transformation. Emotional pain can be excruciating and frightening, but if we can embrace it as an opportunity to heal old wounds it can become our Hero’s Journey that Joseph Campbell talked about. I work with clients in a way that facilitates taking on the Journey. Rather than pushing anything away, I help clients stay with themselves through every facet of their experience, and go into each slice of that experience fully to know each deeply. Being Self with each part us in this way is powerfully healing and transforming. 



In those moments when overcome with grief and sadness, if we can hold and witness ourselves compassionately, it’s akin to holding a sad, scared child. It allows powerful emotions to run their course and resolve. It creates the opportunity for us to give up the extreme beliefs that feed the emotions and give up the extreme emotions. That in turns creates spaciousness to welcome in new feelings and beliefs that will support going on with life from a place of strength instead of from protecting vulnerabilities and insecurities.



Being with our experience and ourselves in this accepting way can also bring about some stunning understanding and insights. Often we think we know the reasons for our feelings and beliefs, but we only have awareness of part of the picture. Once we’re able to be with ourselves in an accepting, curious, and open way, we are able to get more information about what charges our emotions and motivates our behavior. Understanding our beliefs and feelings so fully opens the door for us to literally give up extreme emotions and beliefs, and literally bring in other qualities.



Processing experience in the way I’ve described is based on the Internal Family Systems model that I use with my clients. It isn’t possible to avoid the pain, but it is possible to find support through it and grow from it. If I can help you transform, heal, and grow through any of your current or past hurtful experiences, I’d love to help.