What is a Healthy Childhood

Pia Mellody, author and therapist, defines the true nature of children as comprising 5 characteristics.  When these 5 characteristics are recognized and honored by parents and supported by the environment in which children grow-up, then the children experience a healthy childhood.


The first characteristic is that all children are valuable.  The idea of having value is a spiritual idea that assumes all humans have inherent worth, and therefore children don’t have to do anything special or achieve anything special to be prized as precious.  When parents recognize this characteristic, it results in them treating their children respectfully, and the children develop feelings of self-worth.


The second characteristic that defines the true nature of children is that all children are vulnerable.  It is easy to understand when children are infants that they need both physical and emotional protection.  These needs continue throughout childhood in evolving, age-appropriate ways.   When parents recognize that children are vulnerable, it results in children not being abused or neglected and in children being taught to be sensitive to others.


The third characteristic is that all children are imperfect.  In fact, all human beings are imperfect and will make mistakes.  Children are especially imperfect however, because their developmental tasks are all about learning.  When parents recognize that children are imperfect, it results in them teaching children to be accountable and learn throughout their childhood without shaming.


The fourth characteristic is that all children are dependent, which translates day-to-day in them having needs and wants.  This dependency includes physical needs such as food, shelter, medical, and physical nurturing as well as emotional needs.  Emotional needs have been defined by author and therapist David Richo as including the 5 A’s – attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.  When children are emotionally nurtured they receive:

• Attention, which is an engaged focus on children’s needs and feelings.  Attention creates feelings of safety, trust and mattering.
• Acceptance, where children are embraced as worthy.  Acceptance looks like cherishing with no parental agenda for who the children are or what they need to accomplish.
• Appreciation, which adds depth to acceptance.  Appreciation is the supportive belief in and valuing of children’s potential, spirit, talents, and accomplishments.
• Affection, which is genuine liking and closeness demonstrated on a feeling and physical level.
• Allowing, which is giving age-appropriate freedoms to allow children to grow into unique and authentic selves.

The fifth characteristic that defines the true nature of children is that all children are immature, or said another way, they are at maturity levels appropriate for their corresponding developmental levels.  When parents recognize this characteristic about their children, they know what to expect and what’s appropriate for their children’s development stage, and they help their children act in age appropriate ways.  In turn, children don’t become over or under responsible as adults.

If the majority of these characteristics are supported the majority of the time, children experience healthy childhoods.  If you’re interested in looking more closely at your childhood experiences or your parenting, please call me for an initial consultation at 720-363-5538.